All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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