Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
