He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
