yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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