i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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