I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
