went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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