It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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