Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
