I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
