he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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