I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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