i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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