y did u give ur computer a hand job?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
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it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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