margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
