just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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