One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
