she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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