Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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