i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
