He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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