I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
