Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
