Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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