real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
