people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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