OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
