you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
