I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize