I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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