He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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