you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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