she was so not down for the gang bang
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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