I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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