she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
