I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
