my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
