She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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