mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
