I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
