allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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