at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
