So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
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