I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
