I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
