dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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