i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
