I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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