Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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