pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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