my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
you never un-have a 4some
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
