She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
