oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
