I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
