im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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