Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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