Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
