Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
