why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Life is so much better after having sex.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
