OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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