I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.