He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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