I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
