She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
