What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
