she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think your dad took our porno
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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